Week 3 - That yeasty taste

Another interesting week in the NFL.  Some things change and others stay the same, but the things that are changing - OY!  Alas, gentle reader, you may get an impression that I  somehow favor one team over another in this blog.  If this is the case, how right you are.  It is, after all, my stinking blog!

Patriots - impressive again.  I am not sure what can be done to stop them besides the cruel fate of injuries.  I seem to recall LT getting bruised ribs at the bottom of a pile a few years back - perhaps some of this could be applied to the Pats....

Eagles - and here I was writing off Mr. Piss and Moan Because I Am Black McNabb.  His comments are stupid and proves that he was frustrated by his shitty play.  Frustrated enough to shake it off and throw for a bunch in a 56 point outburst!  Nice game, to be sure, but here is a prediction:  He will get banged up and won't finish the season in this form.  At that point he will become embittered and become a racist.  Again.

Indy - Yes they are 3-0 but not in the same way as the Pats.  A bunch of 2 point wins against people that they "should" kill does not impress me.  These guys are beatable and we will see how they do against the AFC West.  Oh yeah, I hate friggin anyone named Manning.  Even nuns named Manning, actually especially them because they get a chance to take a new name once they take their vows!

San Diego - What can you say about this.  Hmmm, how about looking back at my post from this spring about the dumbasses named Spanos and Smith.  I watched that play that won the game for the Packers and knew right away that had Donie Edwards been in the play it would have gained 10 yards max.  It seems that Smith and Co. complained that his tackles (that led the team for 5 years) were too far off the line.  Hello shithead - at least he tackled them!  Now it seems that the Bolts will do without tackling at all.  Boy that sure works good!  Once Donnie works over the bolts this weekend (I predict 5 solo tackles and an pick), the Bolts will have been beat up by Edwards, Harrison, and Seau  -  all of whom were considered to be expendable.  I'll save the stuff on Norvenstein for another post as that is much funnier.

Oakland - first off the Raiders are tied with the Chargers - take that!  It seems that young Lane Kiffin learned a few things in Denver when Shanafuck stole the game.  He learned how to steal a game using a bogus time out AND he finally pulled shithead McCown out!  For God's sake - why did he wait so long?  What did Daunte do to him?  McCown has small yardage numbers, few TDs, and boatloads of picks PLUS two bum feet.  Yet - it was a W - the first since late October of LAST YEAR!  We can only go up from here and look for an upset in Miami!

Beer

Charger fans - do you know that shitty taste in your mouth?  Well that is the taste that you get from a boatload of yeast in your beer.  Yes, yeast is indispensable in the making of beer.  I have used it to great effect in my own brewing efforts.  But it belongs in the brewing process and not in your beer.  I LOVE Sierra Nevada - LOVE - but I will not drink it from the bottle because these purist fuckheads can't bring themselves to filter that yeast out because they want to finish the beer in the bottle.  Please - save it for the beer snobs.  You know the type - the ones who write shit like this into Beeradvocate.com describing Fat Tire Ale:

Poured a clear, light copper color with a good amount of carbonation and off-white head. Decent lacing. Aroma was rich and malty with a fair amount of biscuit and caramel. Hops were definitely secondary. Fruity, plum-like scent. Medium body. Spicy fruit flavor with plenty of sweet malt. Floral hops were in the background. Mouthfeel was about average. Well balanced. Could use a little more pizazz. Quite drinkable, though, and could be a good session beer, particularly at restaurants with limited beer selections.

What the fuck is that?  Is this queer describing beer or flavored condoms?  C'mon, "Mouthfeel"?  "Gee Frank your crotch smells lovely, like biscuits and caramel - are you using a new wax?"  What is a session beer?  To me a session needs about 20 beers!

Beer should be filtered of the yeast before being presented to the drinker.  Period.

Week 2 roundup - of mice and men (and beer)

Wow - now that was an interesting week.  You think that you have this game figured out and then, wham, everything goes upside down (except the Patriots - more on that later).  There are a lot of 2-0 teams that nobody would have predicted:  Green Bay, San Francisco, heck even Washington!  How about these at 0-2:  Eagles, Giants, Rams, and Saints!  This could be getting good...  here's a recap of some of the games:

New Orleans/Tampa Bay - Boy Drews Brees looked crappy again!  To get your ass handed to you by Chuckie and the gang (who probably last put up 31 points sometime in the last century) is embarassing for a supposed NFC contender.   Drew Brees looked so bad that he rivaled Philip Rivers in offensive futility.   It might be time to get a new stock of paper bags, Saints fans...

Oakland/Denver - All I have to say is that it's good to be the home team and have the ref in your pocket.  Damn - the Raiders WON this friggin game and then lost it.  My 20 seconds of joy was worth it, though because Oakland came into a tough place to win and performed well - Lamont Jordan rushed for almost 160 yards!  I think that young Lane Kiffin finally got an offensive line together in Oakland!  McCown threw some stinkers that could have sealed a win - I think he has to go but apparently Daunte called Kiffin a cracker or something so he is stuck on the pine.

Washington/Philidelphia - I think that the days of McNabb are coming to an end.  He threw so poorly last night that he could give Brees and Rivers a run for their money in bad passes.  If you are an NFC contender, you DON"T LOSE YOUR HOME OPENER!  At least not to fucking Washington.  Brett Farve may have to lead the NFC to their eventual ass kicking in the Super Bowl.

Now my favorite - San Diego/New England - There were some that placed the bolts at the highest echelons of the AFC - right up there with Tom and Peyton's team.  Well you can put that one to bed.  the Chargers stunk it up on both sides of the ball and Rivers was pathetic.  Add to that the abysmal performance of the running game - LT is ranked 39th in rushing so far this year - note that there are only 32 teams so more than one team have TWO players that have run for more than LT!  Heck, Lamont Jordan is #4!  I remember with great pain the days when the Silver and Black had dumbshit Norv Turner plodding on the sidelines.  He got outcoached so badly that even with the other team's playbook in hand he would have gotten beat!

Beers

A day like Sunday was a day for Bud Light.  Yes, I know it is a recurring theme, but for a sustained day of football and beer that extends into the night game, it is the best choice.  I did toss in a nice Newcastle Brown between the afternoon and evening game, savoring the near victory of the Raiders - hey at least we didn't get blown out. 

Week One roundup and Fruity Beer

So it turns out that some things change and others remain the same.  I guess that is a maxim to live by and it certainly applies in the NFL.  Here are some things that have apparently changed:

-  Drew Brees - WTF happened here?  He went from stud last year to looking like a deer in headlights rookie!  He threw some of the worst passes I have ever seen!  Perhaps his lakc of skill was magnified because right after another Brees groaner we would see Peyton whip out a missile right on target, but seriously - he looked BAD.  I hope for his sake that this is just opening day jitters....

-  The Chiefs - We knew that they would not be as good as last year, but losing to Houston, like that?    You saw it on my earlier blog where I pout them at 7-9 and I think that this was being generous!  I think that if they keep this up they could give the Raiders a run for their money for last place!

Some things that have not changed:

-  Peyton and Tom - man these guys looked good.  It is hard to imagine how any AFC team (all of whom could beat any given NFC team) could beat these guys.  I pity the fool that has to play these teams.  I guess the only thing that the rest of the league could hope for are injuries because otherwise this is a lock!

-  The Raiders - yes, as it turns out they still stink, losing at home to the Lions.  Hey, but Kitna was hot right?  It was sad - why did they start McCown rather than Culpepper?  The offense did have a pretty good day (if you ignore the turnovers that killed the game) - McCown was # 3 in passing in the league and the Raiders lead the AFC West in points scored (and points given up).  Jamarcus has agreed to a deal so when the Raiders are 1-8, he may get a touch or two...

Fruit in beer

I recently came across some Miller concoction that has lime juice already squirted in the bottle of beer.  I can think of no abomination greater than this, well maybe a few:  warm Coors, Guiness in a bottle, etc.  First off - DONT PUT FUCKING FRUIT IN YOUR BEER!  I mean, it's beer people, not some sort of springtime fruit platter! So if adding fresh lime to your beer isn't bad enough, this beer has some sort of premanufactured lime concentrate squirted into the bottle on the assembly line.  Nice touch!  Thanks for that refreshing squirt of Citric Acid and sodium benzoate friend!  Can you toss in a little dog shit while you are at it!

It's the MOST wonderful time of the year......

Greetings!

It's that time again and football is right around the corner!  The long wait is nearly over - God I hate baseball (except in October).  Why can't they just move right to the playoffs in baseball for Pete's sake!

I would like to make my predictions on the AFC West at this time.  We can all look back at this prediction in January to see how close I got.

Chargers

Norv Turner will find it hard to repeat the 12-4 record of a year ago.  Even though the AFC West is pitted against the very weak NFC North in interconference play this year, I still think that a record of 10-6 is about as good as they will do this year.  Sure, Phillip Rivers is maturing and the offense is solid, but I think that Jammer and company will let too many big plays down the field and they will lose a few games over this.

Kansas City

With a respectable 9-7 finish last year, I see the Chiefs losing a step this year.  Priest Holmes is gone, and they are being led by Damon Huard of all people with another unknown backing him up.  One injury and this is a team that is heading downhill, regardless of Herm's efforts.  This is an 8-8 team at best.

Denver

these guys could be the real deal this year if Cutler lives up to his promise.  I think that they have shown the ability to get it done over the last few years and may just come out on top.  Mike Bell will be a guy to watch.  I predict that they go 11-5.

Raiders

This is a big question mark, but with the easy NFC North the Raiders should get more than the two wins of a year ago.   Perhaps bringing in another new young coach will make the difference like it did when Chucky came in and took the Raiders all the way to the Super Bowl (one season after he left).  Jamarcus will not play a snap until at least November at this rate but Culpepper looks good from his play in the preseason.  the Raiders defense will continue to dominate and if they can get any offense at all, they will win some games that they lost last year.  I predict at least 2 wins in conference and a record that will be about 7-9.  Take THAT!

Beers

We are having a Labor Day block party today and it is around 100 out and the humidity is uncharacteristically high.  On a day like this there is only one answer - ice cold Bud Light and lots of it.  There is no other beer that I know of that will keep you cool in these situations as well.  Coors light and Miller Lite are just bad and this can be proven by checking the ice chest that was equally stocked with each at the end of the day.  Invariably the Bud Light is all gone and you are left with the swill.

Cheers!

Spring Musings - WTF Spanos?

Greetings patient readers! After taking a few months off, I am back in gear. No stories to tell of my failure to post new material - I would attribute it to a combination of laziness on my part and the fact that football season was over! Over the last few months there have been a few interesting football developments: 1. Chargers Management Implodes - Seriously, could this have been handled any worse by Spanos/Smith? I understand that even though he brought a team from 1-15 to 14-2, Marty had to go. Don't ask me why, but the Chargers, like most San Diego teams, have a need to implode when faced with success. So you decide to get rid of Marty, but have two excellent candidates in the assistant coach positions. In most places, the smart money keeps as much of the coaching team intact and promotes one of the assistants to head coach. Makes sense to you and I but Smith/Spanos decided to do the stupidest shit possible and screw the whole thing up. First they dis Marty with a 1 year deal, sending the message that his time is limited but also letting the assistants know that they would need to look elsewhere for a promotion. Then by the time these dumbasses figure it out and can Marty, its too late - most of the coaching staff is off to greener pastures. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over! To make it even worse they hire Norv Friggin Turner as Marty's replacement! What? This guy has an awful head coaching record - take it from me he SUCKED in Oakland! Sure he did some OK stuff with Dallas - about 15 years ago! I just can't see how these series of moves by Smith/Spanos does anything but destroy team morale and will certainly lead to worse on field performance this season. I think that 10-6 would be lucky this year for the bolts in their new, even dumber uniforms. 2. Al Davis Still Can't Hire an Experienced Coach - I've got underwear almost as old as Lane Kiffin! 31 years old for Christ's sake - he was born in the 1975! Al just can't attract coaches that are any good - look at the last few - Shell, Turner, Calahan - not the A list there! I think that the lack of a GM hurts the team when the Good Humor Man is at the reigns. With that said - the kid does present some interesting experience at USC. He may be the right kind of coach to get the best out of Jamarcus Russell - we'll see. 3. Randy Moss goes for a 4th Round Pick - I guess this smug golden boy is not so golden when all the Raiders could get for him is a 4th round pick. That is pathetic! Good riddance I say - that guy is a cancer on a team. 4. Ricky Williams Can't Back Away from the Bong - Ricky, Ricky, RICKY! What the F*** are you thinking you idiot? Let's see here...millions of dollars OR bong hits? Hmmm, tough question - NOT! This guy is so stupid that he can't even figure out how to use a masking agent for his tests. What a moron! I think that the NFL should ban him not for drugs but for sheer stupidity. Beers Good neighbor Pat came by yesterday (yes we were drinking beer on Mother's Day). He stopped in with one of the best beers anywhere but certainly the best that is brewed here in North County San Diego - Stone Brewing's Ruination Ale IPA. This stuff is so friggin good it is ridiculous! Nicely hoppy and satisfying, I recommend this beer to anyone but Coors Light drinkers as they like piss more than beer. For those of you who want insane hop quantities, go for Stone's Arrogant Bastard - you are not worthy!

Of Playoffs, weddings, and beer

Well, it was a wild weekend here in San Diego County! Regrettably, I had to follow the game on my cell phone during a wedding service. That's right, my wife's brother decided to get married on a Sunday, in football playoff season! When I arrived at the location for the wedding, I found that there was a TV upstairs that we could use and notified my brother in law that I may or may not be there for the service. He granted me this as apparently the date was not his idea.

Anyway, I was able to get one or two beers in before the actual wedding and was not able to stay upstairs for the service as doing so would have caused me much more grief back at home. I sent a text message to one of my neighbors who kept me posted on the game via text message during the ceremony. I had my phone on vibrate so nobody saw the score updates, although my wife gave me the stinkeye until her phone blared right before the bride said "I do" with a loud Austin Powers ringtone! My ability to receive messages was not in question after that!

After the ceremony we had to go take pictures - and the game was still on! We went to a waterfall on the grounds of the development for the shots but I guess nobody checked in advance because it had huge icicles on it and the little pond was frozen over! I lobbied hard to get our shots done quickly and then literally ran back to the car and made it back to the venue with 3 minutes left in the game.

I don't know what the friggin Chargers were thinking, but they blew this one badly. I had continued to receive updates on the score so I knew it was tied, but when I got there and saw Brady with the ball I knew it was over. I think that he is the second coming of Joe Montana; not the best arm and mediocre stats, but he can sure win a fucking game when he wants to. If you let them stay close he will roll you over and give you the high hard one every time.

The worst thing was watching Rivers try his 2 minute drill (1:05 drill actually). What is up with a few short passes over the middle? Hello! No time outs left folks. Either throw it outside and get out of bounds or throw it away. They probably would have done better on a draw play to LT - seriously! The Pats were hanging back there looking for these passes outside and gave them 5 yarders over the middle - and Rivers bit on it! I am here to tell you that if Drew Brees was back there this game would have played out differently and the bolts may still be in it. Thank you AJ Smith!

If I were a Charger fan, I would be bitter. As a Raider fan, I had no expectations this year - I knew that I would be out of it all the way. But for the bolts to put together such a great record and then fold in their first game - at home - it is quite a sting! C'mon Chargers, what the fuck? You only gave the rock to LT 8 or 9 times in the SECOND HALF! Hello? Did they not see his stats all year?

So I would like to recommend to my Charger fan brethren the bitterest beer in America - Buffalo Bill Brewing's Alimony Ale. It is not actively being brewed anymore, but apparently if you look hard enough you can find a bottle here and there. It is musty and old, just like the last Charger playoff win, so it fits the bill nicely here. It will leave a bad taste in your mouth...

Nothing Good Happens at 3 AM - Red Drak

Well another NFL player has tragically proven this adage to be true, with his life being taken in the wee hours of the night. Sadly, he apparently did the right thing and left the scene of an altercation but ended up dead anyway. This is in contrast to idiots like Foley who careen about hammered out of their heads and cause trouble.

I just don't know why these guys, with all of their money, need to take their posse and go out on the town acting like morons. From Ray Lewis to friggin Seabass, there is a long list of NFL players who just can't seem to stay away from trouble, especially in the middle of the night. I guess if someone plopped a few million in my lap when I was 23 years old I would go a bit off the deep end, but back then a bad altercation was a short fist fight. Now these hoodlums have machine guns! The stakes certainly have changed.

Perhaps I am getting older, but I am having an increasingly hard time thinking of anything really good that happens well after midnight. Here's a list of bad things that generally occur:

- Hangovers - bad ones
- Damaged vehicles, homes, etc
- Ill thought out comments
- Lost possessions
- Pissing off the wrong guy (or girl - ouch)
- Arrest
- Sleeping in unfamiliar places
- Strange injury that you just can't recall receiving

Perhaps some of you have some other fuzzy recollections of things that have happened to you in the wee hours.

Now for some beer talk. There is one beer that I had last year that will definitely get you into trouble. There is a brewer in the Czech Republic called Starobno that brews this stuff called Cerveney Drak, or what we called Red Drak. This stuff comes in a bottle that has a bottle cap that you open will a pull ring. The bottle cap splits down the middle. It is really strange. My father in law brought over a case a while back as I am not sure where you can get this stuff.

This beer is not especially strong at 6%, but it seems to have some sort of psycho-tropic qualities. My neighbors and I each had a few and noticed a particularly different buzz for some reason. I continued to drink the stuff and later that night I checked off a few of the items on my list above. Needless to say my wife has asked her father never to bring that stuff around.

With that said, I do think that you should try it if you find it. Just be warned in advance that it may cause mayhem later. After all, if it weren't for the potential for mayhem, much of the fun of drinking beer would be lost....